Õ¬ÄÐÊÓƵ

XClose

UCL Department of Geography

Home
Menu

Alex's Coming Out Story

Alex Papadopoulos shares his experiences of coming out.

Alex Papadopoulos
When I was younger I thought that coming out was this one big moment in your life that is very cinematic, a kind of revelation you have to go through once and then you're free. Thing is, in the life of any trans person, coming out is a process that is more than likely to happen quite a few times.

Ìý

First, you have to come out to yourself. Sometimes multiple times, until you settle in your identity and you feel comfortable enough with it to share it with the world. For me this happened over the course of several years, slowly untangling a huge yarn of gender discomfort and where it was coming from, and unpacking years and years of repressed gender nonconformity that was impossible to see if you didn't know where to look for. It's a process that needs time and patience, but eventually, it is one of the most rewarding experiences in the life of a trans person. I still remember the first pair of boxers I bought, the first time I wore a binder, and the first time I went into a men's clothing department without the "I'm a woman but I like men's jeans more" smug attitude that I had before, but with butterflies in my stomach and a determination that "no, this is where I amÌýsupposedÌýto be shopping".

Eventually, you'll have to let the world in that secret, and this is one of the most terrifying but also exciting things in the universe. It's something that can happen slowly and then all at once, by changing your usernames in non-threatening online accounts, practising your pronouns and a variety of different names in the mirror to see how they'd sound, starting to wear a binder outside and wondering whether anyone would notice, to bluntly spitting it out at a random moment in a bar to a stranger.

"So, um, do you know what the letters in LGBT mean?" I asked a friend after a night of drinking on the piers one summer. "Well, I'm the T"

It was surprisingly easy to say, and I felt light after that as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was time. And so I started telling the people around meÌýand changing little by little, day by day. Some people had questions, some accused me of doing it "late" - meaning it's not valid, others blamed it on unrelated things (as if it's something that needs to be blamed on something else).

For some relationships, this was fatal. One of these was my relationship with my parents. But I've come to accept that no matter how hard you try, it's almost impossible to change the way some people see the world, in black and white and binary terms. And you shouldn't try either, because it's not on you to make people accepting or understanding.

Disclosing a part of your identity that people still, to this day feel entitled to have an opinion on is nerve-wracking, especially because the outcome can be incredibly unpredictable and severe. At the same time, it comes with so much joy and a perspective in life that it’s invaluable. All you have to do is be yourself, be true, and be kind. It’s not easy, but it always gets better. Not everyone will get it, but many people will. And even if no one is getting it right now, you’ll find some people who will for sure. But most importantly, remember that you’re doing it for yourself, and you have every right to feel good about yourself, in yourself.